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Things to Consider
You are making a life-changing choice. Open adoption, though it allows you to know how your child is, and lets you see for yourself that
you have made the best possible choice for your child, is NOT the same as parenting your child. You will have some of the same issues as
someone who places their child in a closed adoption. Open adoption, like any other relationship, requires that all people involved have a
mutual respect for each other, and try very hard to understand each other. There will be times when you may not like how things are, but the
better prepared you are, the easier it will be to handle these situations as they arise.
The following are some guidelines you should consider once you've made the decision to become part of an open adoption.
1. Get to know the family. Make sure you completely understand each other's concept of what "open adoption" constitutes. You may think it
means visits and phone calls, and they may think it means pictures and letters only. You have to be VERY CLEAR on each other's
expectations.
2. Don't be afraid to ask for things in writing. Some states won't enforce open adoption agreements, so check on what your state's laws are
regarding this. Educate yourself on what the laws in your state, and that of the adoptive parents state, are.
3. Please, please, PLEASE get some counceling from a competent councelor that is completely familiar with adoption issues. Join a support
group for birth parents. I am a firm believer in talking to others that have been through what you are dealing with. You can, in most states,
request that the perspective adoptive parents help pay for this counceling if you can't afford it, but check with the agency or lawyer you're
working with.
4. Make sure YOU get legal representation. This is something you can also ask the perspective adoptive parents to cover. You have a right to
have someone who can explain all the forms you'll have to read and sign. It can get pretty overwhelming, and it helps if you have someone
that's "on your side" instead of having to depend on the perspective aparents lawyer to explain things.
5. Discuss with the P.A. parents what your expectations are for the birth, well ahead of your due date. Discuss whether you want them in the
labor and/or delivery room, your feelings on such things as circumcision, adoptive nursing (if the p.amother is considering that), naming the
baby (whether you would like to give the baby a name to put on the original birth certificate, or whether you want to put the name they
choose. Maybe you and they would consider sharing the task of naming), and whether or not you feel comfortable with them taking the baby
directly home from the hospital. In most states, that is allowed. Some states require that the child be placed in interim foster care until the
relenquishment papers are signed.
I hope this gives you a starting place to answer some of your questions. You need to check all your options, and decide, for yourself, what is
the best for you and your baby. Above all else, don't let anyone else tell you what to do concerning your choices for you and your child.
YOU are the one that will have to live with your choice, so it has to be the right one for you.
Resources for expectant parents considering adoption
the following article courtesy of:
National
Adoption Information Clearinghouse
(703) 352-3488 or 1 (888) 251-0075 330 C Street, SW
Washington, D.C. 20447.
While the Clearinghouse is not an adoption agency (we do not place children for adoption),
we are happy to provide free, unbiased information on all aspects of adoption. The most
important thing that expectant parents who are considering placing their child can do is
educate yourself about adoption so that you can effectively determine if placement is a choice
you want to make.
If you are pregnant and not sure that you want to keep the baby, you might be thinking about
adoption.
Pregnancy causes many changes, both physical and emotional. It can be a very confusing time
for a woman, even in the best of circumstances. Talking to a counselor about your options might
help. But how do you start?
This factsheet gives you, the birth mother, information about counseling and adoption. It
addresses many questions you might have:
Who can I talk to about my options?
Should I place my child for adoption?
What are the different types of adoption?
How do I arrange an adoption through an agency?
How do I arrange a private adoption?
What if my baby is a child of color?
How do I arrange for future contact with my child if I want it?
courtesy of:
National
Adoption Information Clearinghouse at (703) 352-3488 or 1 (888) 251-0075, 330 C Street, SW,
Washington, D.C. 20447.
If you need help with deciding if you should place your baby for adoption, please contact:
National Adoption Information Clearinghouse
330 C Street, SW
Washington, D.C. 20447.
(703) 352-3488 or 1 (888) 251-0075
"To Remember Is Painful To Forget Is Impossible."
~Maureen Connelly
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